getting serious...

so on vacation, i put back on 5lbs that i worked so hard to get off...soooooo this week i'm getting serious. i'm going to cut out all sugar this week...like the ice cream sugar, the fudge we just got on vacation sugar, the birthday cake sugar. we'll see how it goes. i'd just like to see how it feels, just for a week.

and i'm going to:

1. read my bible everyday. BEFORE i get on the computer and waste a bunch of time looking at facebook. i figure if i have time to check facebook, i have time to read the bible.

2. get up before my kids....like set my alarm clock for 7:30am and run/workout/read my bible.

3. ????

here we go!!!

10 to go...

so devin and i are both at the exact same spot in our weight loss journey, we both have exactly 10lbs to go to meet goals...so crazy.

i must say this winter and baby carrying did a doozey on this body, but i've been slowly but surely been trying to whittle away at the extra poundage.

i probably wouldn't care so much, but i can't fit into many of my clothes, comfortably at least. muffin tops do not feel that great.

so here is to

-eating breakfast

-eating small meals throughout the day

-resisting the jose peppers free espinaca temptation

-exercising daily

-not making cookies

at least until we hit our goals!

b/c i'd really like to feel good in my swimsuit this summer, before it's over.

p.s. i will not be posting before and after pics, at least not in my swimsuit...yeeks, maybe some pics with clothes on....we'll see.

i don't like me...

i can't sleep...i've been up sinces 3: 30am and tried to sleep until 4am, nothing.

just kept thinking about life.

who am i?

what am i?

why am i?

and i kept thinking about a message i'd written someone on facebook, and wondered if they'd answered it..had to check.

for some reason, i'm sad.

i don't know why.

i don't know if it's discontentment or what.

i mean, i should be happy. i am healthy, (well i still have 10 lbs of baby/winter weight to lose) but i am healthy, i have a great husband, and two great little girls, a house over my head, food to eat, money to spend, a God who loves me and gave his Son for me...but what's wrong?

i want more.

what is this "more" i'm looking for?

anyway my restlessness took me to where i usually go when i'm bored, facebook stalking or now, blog stalking.

I love looking at people's blogs, looking into their lives reading about their days, struggles, joys, books they are reading, what they are having for dinner....so much personality comes through on a person's blog.

i don't understand how people find time to blog. i guess it happens when ever...like now at 6 am while the birds are chirping and it's getting light out and i can hear my husband getting up and using the bathroom...i wonder what he thinks i'm doing????

man, the kids will be up soon, what am i doing?

i've been confused about life lately. frustrated with life. i've been caught between living and waiting to live....it's like i'm living but i'm also saying a lot..."when this happens, then i'll do this..."

like in a few years, i'll paint the kitchen the color i want, or one day i'll start letting my nails grow out or start shopping at whole foods, or try to put a cute wardrobe together, or i'll finish the girls' baby books, or i'll try and talk my husband into getting hardwood floors...

i don't know, then i think, "does any of this really matter? is the color of my kitchen going to affect eternity? why spend the money and waste the time?????

is it a waste of time to have cute clothes, or work on craft projects. there is so much i want to do, to read, to learn, to write, to paint, to cover with cute craft paper.

but i settle.

but am i settling?

when will i start living?

i want to say today, i want to say now.

but the reality is that i have two little kiddos that i have to take care of, i don't have budget to speak of, i'm tired a lot, i have a house to clean...food to make. there is no time to go to wal-mart and pick out paint colors or michaels and spend money on craft paper....or goodwill to scope out all of the old stuff i could turn into crafty junk.

anyway, i guess i'm saying i want to change, i want to grow, i want to be real, i want to be honest, i want to figure out how to put pictures up on the computer...

i want to like me.

is there something wrong with me???

i don't know, but until i figure it out...i think i'll just check out the salvation army today and subscribe to SIMPLE magazine, even if it is expensive.

My First Blog...

Here's to my first blog post. I'm sort of excited to have a blog...I don't know how much I'll actually use it, but I just wanted a place to share my life with others, and a place to process my life (with pictures)! It's like a journal or diary for all to see...which is kind of scary. I don't know if anyone will read it, maybe my sisters, my mom, a few friends or my kids someday, but for now, I'm just excited to start and see what happens. Thanks Alli for helping me get started!

Lynn